MAJOR NEWS FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Local Church Issues “Last Call” for Easter Lilies; Situation Described as “Fine”

Following a sell-out of this year’s hydrangea inventory, Epiphany Lutheran Church announced today that seven (7) Easter lilies remain available for purchase at $12.00 each, in what staff are calling “not a big deal” and “totally under control.”

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The lilies, currently residing in an undisclosed location on church property, are said to be in excellent health and available for immediate adoption. Each bloom features the classic white petal arrangement that has made the Easter lily a symbol of resurrection, purity, and — this year — mild administrative suspense.

“We’re not worried,” said no one in particular. “Seven is a great number. Very biblical.”

Lilies may be claimed following the 10:30 a.m. Easter Sunday service on a first-come, first-served basis. They make excellent additions to a garden, a dining room table, or an apology bouquet.

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